Fat Frank's, Edmonton - Must Love Dogs

Hotdogs. Uniformly shaped, pink, rubbery tubes of meat and meat-by-product, ironically containing every animal except dog; and served on a lot of streetcorners here in Canada. This review was inevitable.

Fat Franks is a chain of 'dog vendors which usually operate from your standard sidewalk hotdog carts. We found one run inside a proper little shack on the side of the road, looking clean and smelling smokey. It would do just fine.

Before extras. Like a blank canvas.

The chain is best known for it's Honey Ham Smokie, so we ordered one of those, as well as a chili cheese dog. A fellow customer explained to me that a smokie is a sausage of higher quality, both in terms of spices and meats used. High quality hotdog eh? Sounded like an oximoron to me.

The most interesting thing about the hotdog culture is the vast array of condiments that you are encouraged to use to dress up your otherwise dry dog, which allows for endless variations of flavour. My pet sandwich smothered with raw onion, cucumber relish, sauerkraut and curried mustard. No surprise that after all that I couldn't make out the honey ham flavour at all. It was just a big, messy hotdog. Did I say messy? I mean it was an astronomical, apocolyptic dreadnaught of destruction. Imagine the Exxon Valdez spill if it was filled with curried mustard. Oh, and it was blowing a gale at the time. And there were no seats. Got the picture? I probably should have skipped the part where I tried to eat the thing, and just smeared it all over my shirt and trousers, just to save time.

Our end result.

The chili dog had the added benefit of extra richness thanks to the meat, with the drawbacks being the awful liquid cheese sauce dripping all over it, and the fact that this hotdog had become something closer to a soup once even more condiments were committed to the concoction.

Beer mustard. What a great idea.

AVERAGE

The flavour of each dog was dominated by whatever condiments were plopped on top, so my advice would be to get whatever the most basic, cheap hotdog is available, and then dress it up with a kilo of extras. There was no major difference between the smokie / regular dog in my opinion. Ill happily try another smokie at another vendor, in another town, but as far as Fat Franks go, Ill stick to the basics.



The bill (for 2):
1 x Honey Ham Smokie -CA$5.25
1 x Chili Cheese Dog - CA$5.70
TOTAL: CA$10.95 (Approx. US$10.50)

Restaurant address: Whyte Avenue, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

Mrs. Mike's, Winnipeg - A One Man Food Fight

The King Burger, not related to Burger King

Burgers can be found in pretty much any town, anywhere in the world. I have tried all kinds, from your basic, terrible fast food style, all the way up to some very expensive, premium burgers from places that maybe take themselves a little too seriously. It's the flavour, price and presentation variation from one location to another which keeps the burger concept interesting. So when I found out that Winnipeg, Manitoba is the home of the 'Fatboy Burger', I had to see for myself how this little city had made it's mark in burger history.

A fatboy burger consists of one or more meat patties, long slices of pickle, chilli, lots of mayo and salad, all squeezed into a burger designed to be too large to actually fit into your mouth properly, without squeezing, dismantling, or othewise making a huge mess. That's right, these things are specifically intended to be messy when eaten. Considering I usually end up filthy after a meal anyway, I thought this would be my chance to fit in with the other patrons for once.


And so after a little research, we honed in on Mrs. Mike's, one of Winnipeg's most famous purveyors of the fatboy. Open since 1969, and recently named in a list of Canada's top 8 burger joints, we approached with some reasonably high expectations. Located in a small, freestanding weatherboard shack next to a carpark, it became clear that the great reputation didn't come from any superficial bells or whistles.

We ordered The Kingburger, a chili burger and some fries with chili as well. We took a seat at the stained and sagging wooden picnic tables arranged and chained up along the side wall. There was a quaint, minimalist vibe to the place, but before we had time to admire the alfresco atmosphere any further, our meal was ready.

What a sight. The kingburger sat there in all it's lazy glory, buns yawning open to reveal the thick beef patties and copious quantities of sauce and salad. I knew it would be a challenge to eat the thing, but approached it with the same abandon as a child fingerpainting or playing in the mud. I knew my table and shirt were about to become a disaster zone, so I made peace with that fact and dived in. The meat was very, very good by burger standards. It was thick, charred a little on the outside and very juicy all the way through. It helped that the patties were swimming a small ocean of sauce soaked salad. Between the decent beef patties and the flavourful chili it all tasted a little like a hearty meatloaf. I mean, there was just so much meat.

The V.J. Special, from V.J.'s Drive Inn.

And then the mess started. By way of controlling the gravity and slipperiness of the filling, the buns were about as useful as a riot cop armed with a feather duster. It didn't take long for the sauce to infiltrate the bun, and then dissolve it altogether, merging it with the rest of the burger to create some kind of beef based amoeba blob. Despite the horrible description, it was very tasty throughout the entire ordeal. It wasn't the best burger in the world, but it was a damn fine dish in it's own respect. I thought a burger with that much meat needed cheese, and the salad could have been a little fresher.
Later during my time in Winnipeg I discovered another little drive in diner called V.J.'s Drive Inn, which served a similar fatboy burger with cheese and slightly better salad. Both burgers were great, but I'm a sucker for cheese, so personally I preferred the V.J. Special to the Kingburger from Mrs. Mike's.

This is a chili burger... apparently.

Ahh, THERE it is!

But that's not the whole story. Next up was the chili burger. I don't know what you might picture when you think of a chili burger, but I guarantee you don't visualize the meaty mass I was presented with. Mrs. Mike's take a simple enough burger consisting of a thick patty and pickles on a bun, and forcibly jam it down into a takeaway bucket barely large enough to contain it. Then comes the chili, poured into the bucket, right on top of the burger, creating something that looks like a thick soup with a fork stuck into it. The chili slowly melted away at the submerged buns, which could then be dredged from the bucket and enjoyed. The patty was a little more difficult to prize from the package, but considering I was already wearing half a king burger I reasoned that I was already a mess anyway, so what did I have left to lose? It was a sloppy, salty, spicy few minutes before our forks hit the bottom of the tub.

By then my shirt looked like Uma Thurman's jumpsuit from Kill Bill; desperately in need of a washroom. Unfortunately there are no washrooms at Mrs. Mike's, so we had to make do with the dry napkins, which didn't do much to remove the red stains from underneath our fingernails or faces.

Delicious. I'd give that burger a Crazy 88 out of 100.

Lastly were the chili fries, served the same way as their chilli burger brother - Just a pile of fries in a tub, immersed in the boiling hot liquid chili. The fries were the standard frozen shoestring kind, and nothing more than a carbo-licious vehicle for the chili, which we knew by then was just lovely.

RECOMMENDED

 Mrs. Mike's are doing some good work in Winnipeg. They are boldly preparing something as enormous as the King burger or as bizarre as the chili burger, and have been doing so for almost 50 years. Daring to be different, and staying different earns them high praise in my book. I suggest that anyone passing through or living in Winnipeg should track down this humble little red shack, and try a burger unlike anything you've had before. Just be sure to wear old clothes so you are ready for the food stains.


The bill (for 2):
1 x King Burger - CA$7.50
1 x Chili Burger - CA$6.75
1 x Fries & Chili - CA$5.75
2 x Cans of Soft Drink - CA$3.20
TOTAL: CA$23.20 (Approx. US$22.50)

Restaurant address: 286 Tache Ave Winnipeg, MB R2H 2A2
Website: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mrs-Mikes/165786516814009

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

St. Louis Bar & Grill, Toronto - They give you wings!

Wing! Wing! Hi, its me, flavour!

We have just arrived in Canada, and the list of things we want to try is longer than a hockey stick. I've never been to The Americas before, let alone Canada, so while I am trying to sample as many Canadian specialties as I can, I'm also happily trying out a few things from the USA along the way.

Dual Tractor Beams. There is no escape.

With an urge to try something well known, I ended up in the St. Louis Bar & Grill, in central Toronto. I was lured inside by the tempting chalkboards advertising half price wings and very cheap little jugs of beer. The whole place was chock full of young people with faces covered in sticky sauce from their individual baskets of chicken pieces.

We found some space to sit at the bar, where an array of local beer taps were being put to good use, and a large TV on the wall was showing the current hockey game. The friendly bartender took the order - 2 pounds (abut 900g) of wings with spicy BBQ sauce and complimentary fries on the side. A pint of strongbow and an ever so cute 32oz 'personal pitcher' of Budweiser were added to the bill, since it just seemed right to pair beer with wings while watching 'the game'.

The glass is about the same size as the jug! It's so cute!

First of all, I don't like Budweiser beer. It is like watered down water, and if it weren't cheap and refreshing, then there would be no argument for it at all. Strongbow on the other hand is fine, but to be fair, the numbers suggest that it's more difficult to make a bad cider, so to be judged as an 'okay' one is about as hollow as winning a nine hour monopoly game against yourself; and we all know what that feels like.

Our greasy basket of wings and fries showed up soon enough, and were attacked as if the chicken bits might still be able to run away. Hot, swathed in a thick spicy sauce, and wonderfully soft, so much so that the meat could be sucked straight from the little bones like ice cream melting off the stick. Messy, sticky fun. The fries were just there for decoration, and added no real weight or flavour to the meal.

The scene of the crime.

By the time we were done with our wooden bowl of chicken arms, the only thing I couldn't wipe from my face was the contented smile. However, the brown beard made of sauce smeared across my whole face required a trip to the washroom before I felt clean again.

RECOMMENDED

I probably wouldn't go back, since my arteries have made it clear that they won't stand for it, but I would recommend others to try this place at least once. Of course I've had chicken wings before in other countries, but the vibrant setting and the memorable sauce made this place into a whole bucket of greasy wings & grubby fun.

The bill (for 2):
2lbs of chicken wings in spicy BBQ sauce - CA$11.99
1 x Strongbow Pint - CA$7.00
1 x 32oz Jug of Budweiser - CA$7.49
TOTAL: CA$26.48 (Approx. US$25.50)

Restaurant address: 528 Yonge St, Toronto
Website: http://www.stlouiswings.com

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

McDonalds, Paris - Pulp Non Fiction

There is no escape.

The Champs-Élysées is a Parisian shopping street where rich people go to buy things. It is a beautiful place to walk around, with wide footpaths and well maintained classic architecture all around. Street performers keep the place interesting, and there is no shortage of places to sit, enjoy an overpriced coffee, and watch the world go by. So with all that choice at my disposal, and some serious blog-worthy intentions, I walked into.... McDonalds. 

Why would anyone want to visit a McDonalds anywhere in the world, let alone on the most upmarket shopping street in Paris? I can think of at least two reasons.

Firstly, I actually don't mind a little bit of Ronald's rubbish every now and again, usually when I'm trapped at an airport and all the other 'food' available is even more expensive and often not very fresh. At least the golden arches are always busy, no matter where you are, so you have a better chance of not dying from food poisoning.

The other reason, specifically concerning my visit to Maccas in Paris, is because of some reasonably well known dialogue from the movie Pulp Fiction by Quentin Tarantino. In the scene, John Travolta is describing to Samuel L. Jackson some of the stranger things about his trip to Paris, such as being able to order beer at McDonalds, the fact that a Quarter Pounder is referred to as a Royal with Cheese, and how strange it is that Europeans 'drown' their fries in mayonnaise instead of ketchup.

Here is the clip from the movie, to complete the context. Skip to 0:40 if you just want to hear the relevant bit:



Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite movies, so when planning for Paris, a trip to the makers of the Happy Meal was on my list of places to visit.

The location is great. It looked more like a medieval castle from the outside rather than a trashy fast food dungeon. But then I stepped inside to see the usual chaos that you would expect to see inside any McDonalds at rush hour. The place smelled like burnt oil, floor cleaner and armpits. Blazing a trail to the front counter took twenty minutes, thanks to the hundreds of other people who also chose this exact place and time to have their meal.

Well, at least it will be fresh, right?

I ordered my meal: A Cheese Royal with a beer and a side of wedges with extra mayonnaise. Mission accomplished.

A meal fit for someone who isn't very hungry

I finally found a spot to sit and inspect what they had given me. The burger looked as old as the movie which had inspired me to order it, and it just sat there in it's box, looking saggy and defeated, like it was asleep. I've had a Quarter Pounder before, and this thing looked more like an overgrown cheeseburger that had returned from some kind of war.

On closer inspection I noticed that the cheese had actually started to fuse with the bun, and that the meat patty had bled all it's moisture into the bread as well. I was planning on taking a photo of the inside of the burger, but I couldnt take it apart thanks to the cheese-welding which had taken place in the box.

The wedges had a few stray fries in amongst them, which was sloppy, but at least they were fresh. No salt had been added, which is fine since I prefer to be in control of how much is on my fries, but if I had known then I might have taken a salt sachet from the counter, which by that time was fifty meters and 400 people away from where I was sitting.The mayonnaise was great. It was thick, and had chunks of pickle in it which made it taste like tartare sauce.

The beer was beer, only smaller. It came in a tin the size of a red bull can, and wasn't very cold.

Considering where I was, you might think that 7 euros is good value for a meal. But the thing about most food at McDonalds is that it doesn't leave you feeling full for very long. I could have eaten another three of the same meals before feeling satisfied, which would then end up being a high priced meal.

NOT RECOMMENDED

I have been to Maccas plenty of times in plenty of countries, and ordinarily I would recommend it as a necessary evil, but this time was the worst experience I've had there in my memory. Maybe I was the only person since 1994 to order a Cheese Royale, and perhaps the beer wasn't cold thanks to the sheer turnover of the place limiting their ability to keep things cold. But I don't care. It's not like McDonalds aren't expecting to be busy, and they have been in this business for some time now, so the processes should be in place to maintain a certain level of quality. Considering how seriously Maccas take their own reputation, it is a sad shame to see this not communicated through the food itself.

The bill (for 1):
1 x Royal Cheese (aka Quarter Pounder)
1 x Regular Sized Deluxe Potatoes (aka Potato Wedges)
1 x 300ml Heineken Beer
1 x Large Mayonnaise Portion
TOTAL: 7 Euros (meal price) (Approx. US$9)

Restaurant address: Champs-Élysées, Paris, France. About 100 meters from the Arc de Triomphe.

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

IHOP Restaurant, Dubai - Simple food done well

Not often, but every now and again, I have a deep urge to clog my arteries and send my blood sugar levels through the roof with some good old fashioned fast food. The first delicious bite sends you into a glutinous heaven as you feel your heart rate start to climb. My weakness would definitely be pancakes. They are just little fluffy pillows of goodness (drenched in sweet sugary deliciousness) - how could they be anything but wonderful? So when an IHOP Restaurant (which stands for International House of PANCAKES!) opened within a stones throw of where we live, I knew I was in trouble. It was only a question of 'when', not 'if'. But would their pancakes live up to my high standards established from years of market research?

We arrived mid morning on the weekend and the wait for an outside table was already nudging the 30 minute mark - annoying to some perhaps, but a good sign to us. We settled on eating inside to skip the wait and occupied one of the cozy booths. Almost instantly we had been presented with menus and our drinks orders were taken. We noticed straight away that this place had less of a fast food feel and more like a cute diner atmosphere where we we felt welcomed, comfortable and not pressured to get in and out quickly. Coffees ordered, it was time to peruse the large (physically large and long in content) menu to decide which horrifically calorific combination of grease and sugar I was going to subject my stomach to....

Sometimes too much choice is not better...its just too much choice. While the IHOP menu borders on novel length, we managed to settle on 2 different types of pancakes (the cinnamon/caramel and the strawberry cheesecake), a fry up with eggs, bacon (beef bacon of course being in the middle east) and hashbrown and a Pot Roast melt sandwich. The problem with too much choice is not enough stomach space to match our greedy brains...but we gave it our best shot.

The place was packed so we settled back and sipped on our average-at-best coffees (sorry...minus points there) and were prepared for a decent wait. Hats off to IHOP because within 15 minutes our food arrived and, shock horror, the food all came out at once and was fresh and piping hot. This should never be taken for granted because it is a standard of service that is actually quite uncommon in our experience!

The eggs were cooking perfectly, the bacon crispy and the hash brown, though unusual in appearance, was light and crispy. The sandwich melt also got two thumbs up - the bread was fresh and lightly toasted, the meat had been slow cooked to perfection with a delicious salty gravy and was nicely 'balanced' with two sliced of cheese. Having finished our mains, it was time for desert. The pancakes were warm and fluffy, if not just the slightest bit dry and needed the extra syrup we requested. The cinnamon pancakes scored a higher rating - with the rich cinnamon really coming through in each bite. The strawberry cheesecake flavour just didn't come through enough for our liking, but they were still delicious and were gobbled down enthusiastically.

RECOMMENDED

Would we recommend IHOP? Sure. If you are after a little breakfast indulgence, why not. The food was good, did what it said it was going to do and the service was efficient and friendly. I'm sure that sitting outside on the JBR walk munching away on any one of their 100 breakfast combinations would be a lovely way to spend a morning. I don't feel the need to run back next weekend - I think that was enough salt and sugar to see me through to until next year! But well done IHOP - you have done well what many before you have done so badly.



The bill (for 2):
1 x Pot Roast Melt Sandwich - 39 Dhs
1 x Plate of 2 Strawberry Cheesecake Pancakes - 25 Dhs
1 x Breakfast Combo (eggs etc and 2 cinnamon pancakes) - 39 Dhs
1 x Pot of Coffee - 14 Dhs
1 x Latte - 14 Dhs
TOTAL: 131 Dhs (Approx. US$35)

Restaurant address: Jumeirah Beach Residence (at the Bahar Apartments)

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.