McDonalds, Paris - Pulp Non Fiction

There is no escape.

The Champs-Élysées is a Parisian shopping street where rich people go to buy things. It is a beautiful place to walk around, with wide footpaths and well maintained classic architecture all around. Street performers keep the place interesting, and there is no shortage of places to sit, enjoy an overpriced coffee, and watch the world go by. So with all that choice at my disposal, and some serious blog-worthy intentions, I walked into.... McDonalds. 

Why would anyone want to visit a McDonalds anywhere in the world, let alone on the most upmarket shopping street in Paris? I can think of at least two reasons.

Firstly, I actually don't mind a little bit of Ronald's rubbish every now and again, usually when I'm trapped at an airport and all the other 'food' available is even more expensive and often not very fresh. At least the golden arches are always busy, no matter where you are, so you have a better chance of not dying from food poisoning.

The other reason, specifically concerning my visit to Maccas in Paris, is because of some reasonably well known dialogue from the movie Pulp Fiction by Quentin Tarantino. In the scene, John Travolta is describing to Samuel L. Jackson some of the stranger things about his trip to Paris, such as being able to order beer at McDonalds, the fact that a Quarter Pounder is referred to as a Royal with Cheese, and how strange it is that Europeans 'drown' their fries in mayonnaise instead of ketchup.

Here is the clip from the movie, to complete the context. Skip to 0:40 if you just want to hear the relevant bit:



Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite movies, so when planning for Paris, a trip to the makers of the Happy Meal was on my list of places to visit.

The location is great. It looked more like a medieval castle from the outside rather than a trashy fast food dungeon. But then I stepped inside to see the usual chaos that you would expect to see inside any McDonalds at rush hour. The place smelled like burnt oil, floor cleaner and armpits. Blazing a trail to the front counter took twenty minutes, thanks to the hundreds of other people who also chose this exact place and time to have their meal.

Well, at least it will be fresh, right?

I ordered my meal: A Cheese Royal with a beer and a side of wedges with extra mayonnaise. Mission accomplished.

A meal fit for someone who isn't very hungry

I finally found a spot to sit and inspect what they had given me. The burger looked as old as the movie which had inspired me to order it, and it just sat there in it's box, looking saggy and defeated, like it was asleep. I've had a Quarter Pounder before, and this thing looked more like an overgrown cheeseburger that had returned from some kind of war.

On closer inspection I noticed that the cheese had actually started to fuse with the bun, and that the meat patty had bled all it's moisture into the bread as well. I was planning on taking a photo of the inside of the burger, but I couldnt take it apart thanks to the cheese-welding which had taken place in the box.

The wedges had a few stray fries in amongst them, which was sloppy, but at least they were fresh. No salt had been added, which is fine since I prefer to be in control of how much is on my fries, but if I had known then I might have taken a salt sachet from the counter, which by that time was fifty meters and 400 people away from where I was sitting.The mayonnaise was great. It was thick, and had chunks of pickle in it which made it taste like tartare sauce.

The beer was beer, only smaller. It came in a tin the size of a red bull can, and wasn't very cold.

Considering where I was, you might think that 7 euros is good value for a meal. But the thing about most food at McDonalds is that it doesn't leave you feeling full for very long. I could have eaten another three of the same meals before feeling satisfied, which would then end up being a high priced meal.

NOT RECOMMENDED

I have been to Maccas plenty of times in plenty of countries, and ordinarily I would recommend it as a necessary evil, but this time was the worst experience I've had there in my memory. Maybe I was the only person since 1994 to order a Cheese Royale, and perhaps the beer wasn't cold thanks to the sheer turnover of the place limiting their ability to keep things cold. But I don't care. It's not like McDonalds aren't expecting to be busy, and they have been in this business for some time now, so the processes should be in place to maintain a certain level of quality. Considering how seriously Maccas take their own reputation, it is a sad shame to see this not communicated through the food itself.

The bill (for 1):
1 x Royal Cheese (aka Quarter Pounder)
1 x Regular Sized Deluxe Potatoes (aka Potato Wedges)
1 x 300ml Heineken Beer
1 x Large Mayonnaise Portion
TOTAL: 7 Euros (meal price) (Approx. US$9)

Restaurant address: Champs-Élysées, Paris, France. About 100 meters from the Arc de Triomphe.

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