Darwin Sailing Club, Darwin - Food with a View

The waters of Darwin may be crawling with hard-to-spot saltwater crocs, but the coastline is so nice that it's worth enjoying from a safe distance. So one evening we gathered up some courage and wandered over to the Darwin Sailing Club, which sits right on the beach at the picture perfect Fannie Bay. It is a magnificent spot thanks to the long clean beach, the ample parking, the cold beer on tap and the unbeatable view you get when the sun goes down. Do you even care what the food was like? I was happily content before I even saw a menu.

The huge outdoor space was full of picnic tables, separated from the beach by a small garden lined with palm trees. There were plenty of groups of families and friends filling the seats, creating a pleasant buzz that I was happy to blend into.

The open air bistro was lit up by heat lamps hanging above all kinds of dishes waiting to be picked up by their respective owners. The savoury smells coming from the busy kitchen combined with the fresh sea air gave me a serious seafood craving, which convinced me to order the beer battered barramundi and a serving of salt & pepper calamari. Barramundi are quite common in the Northern Territory, since they breed very effectively amongst the wetlands every year. Good enough reason for me to try the local favourite fish.

Finally, I spotted a croc.

'Excuse me, I think my meal is ready'

We were given one of those little blinking Pavlovian disks which start to wildly flash and beep when your meal is ready to be picked up. When it went off it looked like a battle disc out of the movie Tron, and caused a racket which cut right through any conversation taking place at the time. There was no chance anyone there was going to accidentally miss their call to the bistro, unless they were epileptic.

When we went up to collect our meals, we were invited to help ourselves to the rather sad looking salad bar. A couple of things stood out; the pasta salad tasted of too much raw onion, but the boiled beetroot was firm and sweet.

Overall I wouldn't have cared if the salad bar wasn't there, because the main meal portions themselves were quite huge. My fish and chips came with four large slabs of crispy battered barra lounging on a piping hot bed of french fries. The various sauces on offer formed a part of the salad bar, which was nice, because some places whack a little ramekin of tartar sauce on the side of the plate and then make the meal smaller. The Sailing Club seemed to value the generous size of their meals, and it really showed.

The fish was fresh, crispy and did I already say that there was a whole lot of it? The batter was a little thin for me, but not thin enough to let the oil interrupt the tender white meat, so the flavour of the fish was still well and truly intact. The chips were your standard frozen-bag variety, certainly not fresh or hand cut. But they were freshly cooked, and not soggy, thanks to the fish being well drained before assembling the dish, which meant the chips were still edible by the time I excavated enough fish to uncover them.

The salt & pepper calamari was done very well; the meat was actually chewable and not just chewy, while the batter was crispy and the rice was fluffy. It's a timeless and simple dish, so it would stand out if it was done badly. Numerous 'mmm's and 'aaah's indicated that this one had successfully hit the spot. 

RECOMMENDED

The Sailing Club is not a place you go specifically for food. You go there on a sunny Saturday for lunch, or one evening for dinner, but you go there for the view and the vibe more than anything else. The food isn't bad at all mind you, but it becomes a single layer in the overall enjoyment of the evening; like a factor of the resulting fun. It wouldn't be a bad place just to go for a cold beer, but it's made better by having a capable and reliable bistro to order from while you watch the sun go down.

The bill (for 2):
1 x Barramundi & Chips - AU$25
1 x Salt & Pepper Calamari - AU$25
TOTAL: AU$50 (Approx. US$52)

Restaurant address: Atkins Dr, Fannie Bay NT 0820
Website: http://www.dwnsail.com.au/

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

Jones the Grocer, Dubai - Worth it for lunch, but don't do your grocery shopping here

The crown for best cafe in Dubai is hotly contested with a number of golden oldies now having to compete with some newcomers who are raising the bar in terms of quality and choice of dishes, customer service and overall atmosphere. Baker & Spice dethroned the Limetree Cafe in 2013 to take the Time Out Restaurant Award for best cafe. But it was the chatter that we were hearing about Jones the Grocer, that had us eager for a friday mid-afternoon cafe outing.

Jones, similar to the style adopted by Limetree, has gone for the "destination" style of cafe. Rather than being located in any of the major shopping malls and attracting the casual passerby, you have to be on a mission to head to Jones (located on Sheikh Zayad Road opposite Time Square Centre - which means if you are coming from the south, it requires a few u-turns to get over SZ Road and back down the slip road that it is located on). However, make the effort, and you will be rewarded.

My first impression walking through the large glass doors at Jones was... Wow! Was I in Dubai? We were greeted promptly by a friendly waiter who showed us straight away to a table and produced a menu for our perusal. The cafe is huge, airy and bright and has a fantastic layout with a coffee bar off to one side, a large cooking/preparation area in the middle of the cafe and a mix of table arrangements from the more casual couches to small and large dining tables. The piece de resistance is the cheese room at the back of the cafe which houses an impressive range of imported cheeses which can be bought to enjoy in the cafe or taken away for later. Not a cheap way to satisfy your cheese craving, but good luck finding some of these cheeses without jumping on a plane to Paris!

After ordering two coffees (not bad, but I think i still rate the coffee at Limetree slightly higher), we settled on the eggs florentine, a chorizo bagel, and the french toast to end on a sweet note. The eggs were cooked perfectly and covered in just the right amount of hollandaise sauce. The bagel, although a little on the small side, was packed full of grilled zucchini, feta, rocket and chicken chorizo which was perfectly complimented by the sesame bagel. Fantastically fresh and flavoursome, we gobbled it up eagerly. However, the winner by a country mile was the french toast that was served dripping with maple syrup and creme anglaise. OUTSTANDING. It was warm, crunchy on the edges but soft and gooey in the middle from it's syrup drenching. A small caveat was that this dish was shared between two people and I am not sure one person should be legally allowed to digest that much sugar in one sitting.

One large serving of diabetes, please.

We left on a sugar high having thoroughly enjoyed our breakfast and vowing to return to tackle more from the menu than just the breakfast items (which are kindly on offer on the weekends until 3pm to allow for that extra sleep in).

The Wagyu Burger.

Heaven.

Only a week later, and we were back this time for dinner. We ordered the famed Jones Wagyu Burger and a ceasar salad to start with. At 72Dhs for the 'starter' burger (which can then be upsized to add all sorts of exotic ingredients) we expected something incredible. What we got was good...but not incredible. The meat was cooked medium-well, which was a little overdone considering the quality of the meat being cooked and there was a lack of salad to counterbalance the huge chunk of meat. On the other hand, we were more than happy to pay the 43Dhs for the ceasar salad which was fresh, crunchy and laced with just the right amount of creamy dressing. It was then time to venture into the Cheese Room.......

If only this review was Scratch-N-Sniff

There are pre-set cheese board options that you can go with, or you can just wander in and choose a bunch yourself like we did and they will bring them to your table nicely served on a cheese board with some bread and crackers. We also ordered some basil pesto dip and olive tapenade to complete our degustation. While some cheeses were way to "stinky" for my liking - the fault here lay with our erroneous selection rather than the cheeses themselves which despite almost making my eyes water, were of very good quality. The pesto was clearly home made, but a little runny and probably better suited for pasta then as a spread.

My new favourite carrot cake.

We had bitten off more than we could chew, so the staff helpfully boxed up our left overs to take home with us. After the salty overload, I needed to finish on a sweet note and eyed off the amazing looking cakes and tarts on offer in the counter. I opted for a slice of carrot cake to put Jones to the ultimate test - could it stand up to the Limetree carrot cake, reputedly one of the best in the world! I was doubtful, but thought it deserved the chance. WOW! Hats off to Jones, they make one hell of a carrot cake - it was moist, had more complex spices and richness in flavour and was topped with baked walnuts that took my taste buds to a whole new level of bliss. Go and try it for yourself, but in my book I have found a new winner.

RECOMMENDED

I think it is pretty obvious that this place is a recommended in my book - but why not highly recommended? The atmosphere and service is spot on. The food hit the mark on most occasions, but our wallets felt a little bruised by what really is just fairly simple cafe food. I will be back, but I won't be making this a regular stopover for the sake of my bank balance.


The bill (for 2 for 2 meals):
1 x french toast - 31 Dhs
1 x eggs florentine - 49 Dhs
1 x chorizo bagel - 32 Dhs
1 x long black - 18 Dhs
1 x flat white - 18 Dhs
MEAL 1 TOTAL: 148 Dhs (Approx. US$40)

1 x caesar salad - 43 Dhs
1 x wagyu burger - 72 Dhs
1 x olive tapenade dip (small serving) - 7.50 Dhs
1 x basil pesto dip (small serving) - 12 Dhs
6 x small slices of cheese - 80.85 Dhs
1 x Homemade Lemonade - 17 Dhs
1 x slice carrot cake - 25 Dhs
MEAL 2 TOTAL: 257.35 Dhs (Approx. US$70)

Restaurant address: Sheikh Zayad Road (opposite Time Square Centre), Dubai

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

Nitmiluk Restaurant, Katherine Gorge - Help Desperately Needed

The Nitmiluk Chalet Kitchen, where dreams go to die.

In the Northern Territory of Australia, thirty kilometres from the outback town of Katherine, hidden in thick bushland are the Nitmiluk Chalets. If you have ever wanted to see Australian wildlife outside a zoo, then this would be the place to visit. The whole place was crawling with kangaroos wandering the grounds, all quite comfortable to share the space with us humans. Kookaburras kept an eye on everything, and the tree branches were dripping with sleepy bats. Apparently the nearby rivers were choc full of crocs (the reptile, not the footwear), but I didn't see any (living) proof during my time there. A pity, since I brought along my khakis, and had almost perfected my Steve Irwin impression, "Crikey, what a harmless looking stingray!"

Two thumbs up for the setting. Lovin' that Ikea patio furniture.

So we were miles from town, in the middle of nowhere... What would we do for dinner? There was a little restaurant in the main building, which had an impressive balcony area overlooking the river and the bushland beyond. A perfect setting for a relaxed meal with a view of the sunset. And what luck! We were the only people in the whole place! All the other suckers staying here didn't know what they were missing. We got ourselves a nice spot and asked for the menu.





*** WARNING ***
The rest of this review is nothing more than a reckless rant. There is no actual information here. Only pain. Read on if you are feeling good about yourself, and need to be reminded that there is evil in the world.

The crumpled piece of paper we were given should have been the first clue that something was wrong. Whoever put together this poorly formatted food list must have skipped an awful lot of computer classes at school. We hoped that it was because they were too busy perfecting their techniques in the kitchen meaning they were simply too busy to make a menu look pretty... let alone look professional... in any way... at all. And we were not beside a pool, so I don't get where the heading came from.

"The Menu"

So we ordered the local crocodile skewers, along with the camel skewers which were also locally sourced according to our waiter. Mentioning that the croc meat was local was probably some kind of lame attempt to infer that the chef wrestles one out of the river whenever an order comes in. Given that the only other thing on the menu listed as local was the Barramundi, it made me wonder where the hell they were getting their kangaroo from. Not that I thought they imported it from Japan, but surely they had all the kangaroo 'meat' they needed, bouncing around the restaurant waiting to be turned into hoppity-chops. Look, Ill leave the menu alone now, but it really hurt my brain on the day. Enough said.

Crocodile skewers on the right, and skewers of sadness on the left.

Our recently-wrestled, locally sourced skewers arrived, and I swear that the picture above shows what the camel skewers (the brown ones) looked like when they arrived. We didn't gnaw on them before taking the photo, nor did we step on them, or donate half of each skewer to a charity aimed at helping people with no typing skills. No. They were proudly placed before us looking like well used toothpicks. At least the croc skewers were done nicely, with some lemon, dried chilli and dried dill sprinkled over them sparingly enough that the relatively delicate flavour of the reptile could still shine. Crocodile meat looks like nothing more than white steak, and tastes like a subdued piece of rump. Nothing to write home about, even though that is exactly what I am doing right now. But let's move on. I would cover the flavour of the camel skewers, but they had been overcooked to the point that any colour, texture or taste that may have ever existed in the poor animal had been rudely extinguished; banished to that special part of Hell reserved for the souls of burnt toast and soggy nachos. Left behind for us to enjoy were the shredded poo-brown carcasses of stale, leathery fibre, containing all the excitement and taste-sensations of a cold doorstop.

For mains we had ordered the kangaroo, and we ordered it rare. I like my meat to be rare enough that it could provide someone with a blood transfusion. They must have waited for the kangaroo to die of old age before cooking it, since the sunset was long gone by the time the next chapter in this tale of woe began.

A wasted life. Rest In Peace.

I could have called the police, because my meal had been murdered. The chalky dry bricks of protein slumped on my plate looked like they had been left on a corrugated iron rooftop for a week. I felt like offering my meal a glass of water. The accidental vegetable mess dribbling along the side of the plate was a collection of what could have only been leftovers from something more interesting. Mainly consisting of onion and capsicum, there were also a couple of bits of potato and one random sliver of parsnip. It was like the parsnip was a garnish for the onion, which made my head start to hurt again just thinking about how this idea came into being. Let's all just agree to blame the faceless menu-guy.

Did I mention that everything was cold? Everything. Like a winter's day on Neptune. I doubt any normal restaurant could create a meal this bad even if they wanted to. This place pulled it off accidentally. The chef must have been some kind of anti-prodigy. He was about as good at cooking as an elephant might be at knitting, or as a tube of toothpaste might be at invading Russia. He was the perfectly wrong person to be preparing food, for himself, let alone others. At that point I was trying to picture the job interview that he went through to end up in that kitchen...

Boss: "Can you cook?"
The Man For The Job: "God no! My whole life I've only ever eaten space food sticks, because ordering a pizza just seems too complicated. BUT WATCH THIS!!"
*pats head and rubs tummy at the SAME TIME*
Boss: "Welcome aboard!"
*high fives*

Even this guy wasn't impressed.

Something about me - I don't like complaining. After reading this far down, you might not believe me anymore, but I honestly don't like to cause a fuss. If I did, then I would have burned the whole place down to prevent anyone else from being sucked into the same tasteless vortex of cruel anti-food. But I'm more of a bottle-it-all-up-inside kind of guy. Usually. But this was beyond the joke, and something had to be done. We politely informed out waiter that his chef was a madman, and that our meals were not only inedible, but unidentifiable, confusing and not something anyone working there should be proud of. To his enormous credit, the waiter not only replaced all our meals, but also waived the cost of our drinks as a generous, apologetic gesture. That was the highlight of the night, if you don't count the unforgettably horrible food as some kind of masochistic highlight in it's own special way.

When our replacement meals finally turned up, probably only an hour before dawn at by then, our portion of kangaroo had shrunk to a single little piece of meat. They must have run out. Oh well, at least the new bit was edible, if a little overdone. The veggies were the same odd selection of mismatched rubbish, but at least this time round they were warm. We were at a point where we realised that we could not expect to get anything better, so if we wanted to eat that night, we had just better shut up and get on with it. 

We left the restaurant feeling a little robbed, and still a bit hungry, but knowing that at least the waiter knew how to properly handle a legitimate complaint. He probably had a lot of practice by that point in his career. His next job should be for absolutely any Internet Service Provider.

The next morning, after an almost-as-terrible continental breakfast at the same restaurant that we had no other option than to revisit, we noticed another small piece of paper stuck to the door to the restaurant, which was a much more interesting read than the last night's menu...

That Matrix-esque moment when you realise that there IS no chef

Well that explained it. The dude in charge of our food the previous night was probably a fill-in not actually qualified as a chef. But does that excuse our miserable dinner? If a restaurant has no chef, then there is no restaurant. It should remain closed until they are ready to produce food that people might actually want to place in their mouth-holes. No chef, no food. Don't fumble through it, creating terrible customer experiences every time someone orders so much as an orange juice. The decision to leave the restaurant open would have been made by management, which tells me that they have no interest in the quality of their food.

NOT RECOMMENDED

And THAT is the main reason that I am giving a gigantic thumbs down to this gastronomical black hole. Do not eat at this establishment. Behavior like this should not be tolerated or encouraged. If you still plan to visit the Nitmiluk Chalets, do yourself a favour and pack a few sandwiches.


The bill (for 2):
1 x Crocodile Skewers - AUD$3
1 x Camel Skewers - AUD$3
2 x Kangaroo Loin - AUD$56 
TOTAL: AUD$62 (Approx. US$65)

Restaurant address: 30km northeast of Katherine, Northern Territory, Australia

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

Staff Canteen, Changi Airport - Bargain Basement

Trust me, it tastes a lot better than it looks

We landed in Singapore on our way through to Australia, and found ourselves with 8 hours to kill before our next leg of economy insomnia.

With heavy rain pouring down outside the airport, we needed somewhere to camp out and relax. The usual international fast food suspects were all there, standing by, but we were in Singapore, where an awful lot of good Asian food lives, so we needed something a bit more interesting.

After a very honest chat about our preference for real food, with a friendly lady at the Airport Information Desk, we were directed to the Staff Canteen, discreetly located just outside the airport exit, around a corner and down some stairs.

It took a while to find, but when we finally arrived at the canteen, we were presented with a sprawling underground lunch room full of tables, chairs and various airline and airport employees busily enjoying their meals. Tiny take away places crammed next to each other along one wall added a lot of colour, sound and steam to the whole scene, and gave us a big number of things to choose from. There were places serving everything from Japanese soups and sushi, to American themed places serving burgers and chips. Everything was made to order, and everything was cheap. Super cheap. There were two prices for everything; one for airport staff and another price for non-staff.

After browsing the mind-bending array of options available, we settled on a couple of Laksas from a Malaysian spot. Laksa is one of our all time favourite foods, so we couldn't justify getting anything else. Thick egg noodles and bean sprouts, boiled up and dropped into a steaming bowl of curried coconut broth, tofu chunks and salty clams... how could anyone resist something like that? An extra dollop of chilli paste and the dish was ready to be devoured.

Nice clams.

Laksa is one of those dishes which hit every bit of your taste buds. There is sweetness from the coconut milk, as well as plenty of saltiness from the clams. There is heat from chilli, and a mildness from the bean sprouts. The sprouts also bring a lot of fresh crunch, while the noodles carry the dish with a heavy smoothness. Laksa is everything I want from a meal, all poured into a single, sloppy bowl.

This particular laksa had a milder broth, but the thick chunks of tofu had soaked up plenty of flavour which made up for that shortcoming. The yellow egg noodles were not as thick and gnarly as they could have been if they were freshly made. Because of that, the dish didnt feel quite as thick as it should have. On the very bright side, there were at least a dozen little clams buried amongst the slippery noodle pile. Chomping down on them was like placing a large piece of rock salt on your tongue, which kept my taste buds on their toes.

This was our pick of the bunch. I can recommend it.

RECOMMENDED

There were so many other dishes we would have liked to try, but sadly we were only around long enough to justify one meal in Singapore this time around. I gladly  recommend that anyone who finds themselves stranded in Changi Airport for a few hours should take a look at this underground treasure trove of taste, since no matter what your preference or budget, you can be sure to find something here to tickle your fancy.

The bill (for 2):
1 x Large Laksa - SGD$4.00
1 x Regular Laksa - SGD$3.50
TOTAL: SGD$7.50 (Approx. US$6)

Restaurant address: Staff Canteen, Changi Airport, Singapore.

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.

Yalla Momos, Dubai - Yalla! Yalla!

The fried cottage cheese momos

Karama is a foodie's playground. It is difficult to walk a block without seeing something that excites your taste buds, and the competition for your stomache space is tough. We were therefore intrigued by the increasing chatter we were hearing about a relative newcomer to Karama - Yalla Momos.

Momos are Nepal's answer to the Chinese dumpling. The casing is a light and simple dough and the fillings can be made up of just about any meat or vegetarian option that the imagination can conjur. Our love affair with the humble momo began on the streets of Kathmandu many years ago where we devoured them (vegie and "meat" varieties) as a great treat away from the otherwise endless meals of rice and lentils. In Kathmandu the sauce was equally as exciting as the momo - a rich, firey orange curry sauce that you mopped up with the momo and left you wanting to lick the plate clean. You could say we are fans of the old momo and we were quite excited to see what Dubai could offer us to quench our momo thirst after so many years.

Yalla Momos occupies the small corner cafe just across the road from the much larger Bikenerwala restaurant. Don't go with too big a crowd as this place only has 4 small tables and a dozen or so chairs. I can see these guys very quickly outgrowing this small space as word of their success spreads. We were lucky to grab a table and boldly ordered one of everything off their momo menu (all 8 varieties which at 6 momos per plate meant we were in for a LOT of momos). I love places like Yalla Momos. They know they do  good momos so they don't bother overcrowding their menu with 40 other peripheral items. Keep it simple and do it well!

The fantastic cheese and mushroom momos

There is a great mix of vegetarian and meat options to keep everyone happy. We started with the chicken momos which had quite a simple flavour but they went fantastically with the mint, coriander, lime, garlic and vinegar sauce that you are given in large squeezy sauce containers. The second plate, and hands down my absolute favourites, were the cheese and mushroom momos. Juicy sweet mushrooms with rich creamy cheddar cheese that just melted in your mouth.

The spinach and cottage cheese momos

The spinach and cottage cheese had a nice fresh flavour but needed the sauce to give them a little moisture and the Shrimp momos were a little too "fishy" for my liking. We ordered all of our momos as steamed, except for the cottage cheese momos which the owner helpfully suggested were better fried. We took this advice and were rewarded with sizzling hot, crunchy, cheese oozing parcels of naughtiness. Nice, but the excess oil consumption was a little too much of a shift from the otherwise healthy feeling of the steamed dumplings. Plate number 6 consisted of Buffalo momos, known on the menu as 'Buff Momos' - juicy, slightly greasy beef-flavoured parcels which had a great flavour and were the closest to what I remembered having in Nepal. It was then that we really missed the rich curry sauce that we rememered having in Kathmandu. The vegetable momos which seemed to be the ones receiving the rave reviews were a little dull after the buffalo. By plate 8 were were struggling, but we decided to re-order the cheese and mushroom momos, this time fried rather than steamed to see how our favourites stood up. The friend versions were certainly nice, but tasted better steamed in our opinion.

The chicken momos

In case were weren't full enough, we were persuaded to try the Wai Wai, a noodle dish that we otherwise knew nothing about. A tad dissappointing after the high standard of the momos, the wai wai was a fried plate of 2 minutes noodles with some vegetables and a large dose of fresh chilli. Fine as far as 2 minute noodles go, but not what we came looking for.

The apple and cinnamon momos

After all the salt we decided to end the night on a sweet note and were sucked in by the Apple and Cinnamon momos which we were told were an old family recipe of the owners. Imagine a dumpling version of a McDonald's Apple pie... but better! We only ordered 2 of these momos because we were insanely full, but they were amazing. The apple was all mushy and creamy and the fried pastry was crunchy and it was served with a light sugar syrup. Delicious.

RECOMMENDED

After what is probably the most comprehensive survey of any menu we have done in Dubai, we can definitely recommend Yalla Momos as a place to satisfy your momo craving. Some were a bigger hit than others, but each plate was fresh and you could really taste the personal touch of home made dumplings. While they may not quite live up to momos we had in Kathmandu (mostly down to the curry sauce in my opinion) Yalla Momos is here to stay and Dubai is better off for it. Get to Karama and try them for yourself or if you want to avoid the parking hassles, give them a call and order delivery!


The bill (for 2 but was enough for 4):
1 x plate of vegetable momos - 10 Dhs
1 x plate of spinach and cottage cheese momos- 10 Dhs
1 x plate of cheese and mushroom momos - 10 Dhs
1 x plate of fried cottage cheese momos - 11 Dhs
1 x plate of chicken momos - 11 Dhs
1 x plate of shrimp momos - 14 Dhs
1 x plate of buffalo momos - 11 Dhs
1 x plate of fried cheese and mushroom momos - 11 Dhs
1 x wai wai - 7 Dhs
2 x apple and cinnamon momos - 4 Dhs
1 x Oreo milkshake - 7 Dhs
  
TOTAL: 106 Dhs (Approx. US$29)

Restaurant address: Street 4B, Karama, Dubai (two streets back from Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed Road).

for exact locations of all reviewed restaurants, take a look at our map.